The Pleaser Person: Who is he?
By Pauline El Kallassi Mansour | 26 Jul 2013 | PERSONALITY PROFILE
Pleasing other people on the expense of oneself sometimes is falsely regarded as sacrifice. Sacrificing oneself for the good and benefit of the other is healthy sometimes. However, when the person keeps sacrificing himself and his dignity while allowing others to take advantage of him, the behavior is no longer healthy. It keeps the person in a state of frustration and anxiety.

Is sacrificing oneself and one’s dignity healthy when you allow the other person to take advantage of you? 

Sacrificing oneself is not a self-destructive behavior; it is rather a free choice to love and serve the other unconditionally. It gives the person inner joy and peace.

There is a deep longing in each person to love and be loved in return but sometimes people resort to unhealthy self-destructive manners in order to gain other people’s approval, love and affection.

The pleaser person many times compromises his dignity and is ready to do anything to satisfy the other and get the other’s approval.   

Many unconscious reasons and deep motives are into play. The most basic reason is the person’s fear of being rejected from the other. Underlying this fear are unfulfilled needs and desires: need to be loved by the other, need to belong to a group/community, need to feel one’s existence, desire to reach to the other etc…

The ‘pleaser person’ is imprisoned by the other’s influence on him. He is ready to resort to extreme measures to feel accepted by the other. Many times, he is unable to say ‘NO’ to the other and to defend oneself. All his needs, beliefs, decisions, and actions are dependent on what the other would say of him.

The ‘pleaser person’ is suffering deep inside and is in continuous struggle with himself.

It takes a courageous decision on the part of the person to make a change and free himself from other people’s influence on his life. The process is not easy especially that the whole person’s life structure and behavioral contracts have been organized around the ‘other’ and his need of approval and affection.

  Psychotherapy can help the person become aware of all the self-destructive behaviors that he has been engaging in. The ‘pleaser person’ needs to be in contact with his fears in order to overcome them.  In addition, he needs to explore his underlying needs, beliefs and values and take an active decision towards affirming himself and his existence without needing to please and conform to others.

It is essential for the person to choose to live for himself again and choose to take care of himself in a healthy and constructive way.

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